Six Months

The Paradox of Time

I left my last employer on October 11, 2024. It was a Friday. I’d arranged for three hours of time off in lieu, and the timekeepers in HR approved.

My last day at work was scheduled to end at 16:00. My TOIL mean that I was free to leave at 13:00.

So it was a two-hour work day, that last day. And nobody knew except for Management, who kept the secret well - it was a surprise and a shock when I packed up and walked out for the waiting taxi.

They thought they had time.

Six months on, and it was a Friday. Same day of the week. Same bright, sunny day. Same vibe.

I did not go back to my former workplace. I went to the Starbucks attached to the Asda where the taxi had taken me, six months before, to celebrate with another pot of tea and a slice of cake.

Losing my job to redundancy did hurt. My income stream has been savagely curtailed. But not by that much - it’s not like I was pulling a £40k a year job and now having to live off Universal Credit. It turns out that I was one of the lowest-paid employees, so my income was barely hovering over what I would have been getting from UC anyway, so it was a small adjustment.

What didn’t hurt was losing the work. I now have appointments which take me to all corners of the town, interviews which take me out of town on occasion, and my new Welsh language club which congregates on Mondays.

And what time remains in the week is all mine.

I’ve been coming out in force. Asexual. Non-binary. Occultist. Witch. When I started work, I virtually disappeared from the streets. From the library. From the coffee shop in the bus station which I made my office, my second home.

The coffee shop has gone - there’s a row of three empty units in that bus station, begging to be given purpose again - but there are new coffee shops, here and in the town next door, where I can enjoy meeting people.

And I am meeting people.

When I began work, I dared to have plans for what I would be doing a year from now. Once I lose that job, I had to go back to my default, which is not knowing what I will be doing five hours from now.

But I do know, right now, that I am available to consult with people. Come to me, explain your problems, and I can help. You know that I can help. You know how. And I guess that thought must terrify you, but really it’s all just common sense. It’s all about fear. And you know that since losing my job, I’ve learned one thing. I learned to live through the process of losing my job without once showing fear, to the point where I found myself waking up without fear.

And since my time of freedom, six months ago, I have continued to live without fear. I have peace within, and unshakeable confidence without.

And the secret is knowing that I only think I have time.