Life Goes On

Life Goes On

I haven’t shared this with many people.

Recently, my heart was broken by someone with whom I thought I was going to have a meaningful relationship.

It started so well. We began to get along so well. Our worlds began to align. We were growing closer, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

And then …

You know what it’s like. You’re walking along. You see her across the street.

She’s walking along with some dude you have not seen her with.

And you realise she’s chosen somebody else.

Anyway, this is how I felt.

For some time after this let down, I felt like closing myself down again. Shutting myself inside once again.

To be brutal, I felt like this.

People have been paying attention. I have met people who have known me for years. People to whom I readily gave hugs. They’ve asked me why I don’t give hugs. I told them what I am saying here.

I was once a very private person. I never really wanted to reach out to people. Until I felt a pressure I had never experienced before: a friend, reaching out to me, sharing a hug which came from her.

Friendship.

Something I can’t say I have experienced a lot of, throughout my life.

Compare that to how I felt when I watched my feelings being torn up and stamped on.

I am missing friendship. It is so hard to make new friends. And the long climb to finding a lover has been made ever harder, because I now feel that not only has my climb up this mountain now been curtailed; I have been flung right down to the lowest ravine at the bottom of the valley at its foot.

But for all that, I really do need to begin again. I can’t imagine a life, now, where I am not going to even try to reach out.

I have tasted friendship. I like it. I don’t hold out hope that any friendship will ever become anything deeper. Nor am I ever going to try again, now.